Pranic Beauty
Why is it that some apologies feel phony?
And some apologies feel authentic?
You may have heard of the 7 levels of Forgiveness, as described by Master Choa Kok Sui. A recap of the seven levels of forgiveness, where forgiveness is given ...
1. At the moment of death.
2. After several years.
3. After several months.
4. After few weeks.
5. After few days.
6. After few hours.
7. Within few minutes.
Sometimes our forgiveness is tied to an apology we receive. Some apologies are heartfelt and some apologies are non-existent.
Let us explore these together...
1. Heartfelt apology. Here the person who hurt you, truly apologizes.
Says sorry either once or multiple times and says it with undeniable sincerity.
A wise receiver accepts this sincere effort, unburdens their own heart of the hurt and moves on. This is the best case scenario but alas ... this apology is rare. If you receive a heartfelt apology, cherish the person who gave it to you, because that person certainly has a good heart.
2. The verbally robust but empty apology.
Here the offender uses big words, many words, loving and kind words for the apology. Here you get all the right words, but there is no change in the behavior of the offender. Some experts say an apology without a change in behavior is manipulation.
A wise receiver understands that the offender is unwilling or incapable of a meaningful apology. At this time, the choice is your’s ... accept the apology and move on with your life; or stay and suffer. But the key element here is establishing distance and creating boundaries, making sure that this person no longer has the access or the ability to hurt you again.
3. An apology without an apology.
A classic example is “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” The key word in this sentence is “if”. The essence here is, “if you think I hurt you then I will apologize. But I didn’t do anything to hurt you.” This apology is similar to a verbally robust apology, because it is also meaningless.
A wise receiver steers clear of an offender who is incapable of seeing their own faults.
4. Responds with outrage apology.
Here the offender knows they are wrong, but their pride makes them incapable of an apology. So instead the y respond with aggression and outrage. “How dare you ...” is something this person is likely to say to you.
A wise receiver runs (not walks) runs as fast as they can. Far, far away from this person. Why, because if you choose to engage with the energy of outrage, you are the one who gets entangled. You are the one who suffers, The pain of knowing that you are right, and have been wronged not once but twice can scar you severely. As my Teacher says “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy.” I don’t know about you, but to me; inner peace is more valuable than being right.
5. The silent apology.
Here the offender will show through acts of kindness that they are sorry, but not once will they actually say the word “sorry.” IMO the inability to say sorry, is a manifestation of pride. Only the brave, the bold can give a sincere apology. However in some cases, even a silent apology can be heartfelt.
A wise receiver, accepts the offender as they are. Someone wiser than me said, you can’t expect a fish to climb a tree.
6. A public apology.
In the modern world, we see this alarmingly often. Politicians, businessmen and people in power use a public platform to express remorse. Often on social media.
In ordinary life, this happens as well. The offender apologizes because they know they are being watched by others, and public perception is important to them.
A wise receiver will take this apology with a grain of salt and evaluates any potential future relationship with this person. Once again ... establish boundaries.
7. What do you mean, why do I need to apologize.
Here the offender is clueless about the offense. Even when you tell them that they hurt you, they will deny any blame because they truly feel they have not committed any offense. “I did nothing wrong” is something this person may say. As my Teacher says, no awareness no inner transformation.
A wise receiver will draw clear boundaries with this offender. As they say fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Do any of the above sound familiar?
Ultimately, the key elements are boundaries where needed; accept those who demonstrate sincerity; and most importantly find a way to unburden your heart of pain.
“Holding onto anger, is like holding a burning coal with the intent to throw it at someone. You are the one who gets burned.”
You are the one who would damage your inner peace. You are the one who would be enslaved by the obsessive thoughts about injustice at the hands of your offender.
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